What I More or Less Plan to do

- Find a pocket-size Koran, in English.
- Act bit-part in a local Syrian movie (film shoots = ubiquitous).
- Pray in a mosque, without anyone turning a head.
- Don't wear the same clothes two days running.
- Don't have a siesta two days running.
- Shower every day, without fail.
- Dress in a culturally appropriate manner (no short shorts!).
- Shoot the shit with a lady in burqua.
- Smoke mad shisha with a lady in burqua.
- Have a lady in burqua guide me to an alleyway and, for like a split-second only, lift her veil.
- Procure a burquini.
- Meet a famous Syrian popstar, any famous Syrian popstar, it doesn't even have to be a currently-famous Syrian popstar, and be invited by said popstar to drink Turkish coffee in wide open public, with everyone nearby oooh-ing and ahhh-ing in envy.
- Encounter the Syrian secret police without even knowing it.
- Talk openly and honestly about regional politics, without fear of antagonising anyone nor being thrown out of the goddamn country (although the latter might be kinda cool [to where?]).
- Say the world 'Israel' out loud in public, without being lynched or beaten or flayed by a mob.
- Learn 'I am fluent in Arabic,' in Arabic.
- Teleport girlfriend here.
- Get totally loose at a Syrian discoteque, whilst sober.
- Make a mufti laugh.
- Clean out Damascus lingerie shops, of which there are ridiculous multitudes, for benefit of unsuspecting girlfriend.
- Stop referring, even jokingly, to the Middle East as the Middle Earth.
- Bring peace to the Middle Earth.
- Continuously enjoy myself here, even if things get existentially pointless, which on occasions they have and which on they will continue to do.
- See Gorillaz play live in Damascus' 1000-year-old citadel.

Oh, re. the latter? Already am, tomorrow night.

Allah akhbar!