Vote or Die/Keep it Simple, Stupid/Would You Like a Cup of Tea With That?/Screw it All

Syria supports Lebanon, even though some parties allege President Bashar Al-Assad oversaw the assassination in 2005 of Lebanon's then Prime Minister Rafik Hariri. Lebanon supports Syria, due in no small part to Syria's withdrawal of troops from Lebanon in 2005. Syrian troops had been there to help Lebanon in the fight against Israeli occupation of the south -- which is Hezbollah territory -- but Israel withdrew in 2000, leaving Syria with no real reason for maintaining military presence, which they did for 5 years anyway. The withdrawal of Syrian troops from Lebanon occurred in response to the Cedar Revolution, which was sparked by Hariri's assassination, which I believe I may already have mentioned at the top of this paragraph as having been orchestrated, allegedly, by Syria.

Ok?

Iran is down with Syria and Lebanon. Actually, no, Iran is not technically down with Lebanon. Who Iran is down with is Hezbollah, which is a Shi'ite political party and paramilitary organisation operating out of southern Lebanon. Now, Shi'ite is a sect of Islam -- the second biggest after Sunni -- and is divided into many different branches, including the Twelvers, Ismailis, Zaidiyya, and Ghulat, which branches are themselves further subdivided. Hezbollah supports the Palestinian cause and draws most of its support from Syria and Iran, even though Syria is predominantly Sunni, which Hezbollah is not. In Lebanon and Syria and Iran, Hezbollah is formally referred to as 'The Resistance.' This is even the case in Lebanon, whose Prime Minister, Saad Hariri's (son of assassinated former Prime Minister, Rafik Hariri, whose assassination I believe I may have mentioned at the top of the previous paragraph, no?), political party, the Movement of the Future, is Sunni Muslim.

Ok?

Now, Lebanon's political system works like this: each religion is given a set number of seats in parliament, with the President by decree a Maronite Christian, the Prime Minister a Sunni Muslim, and the Speaker of Parliament a Shi'ite Muslim. Half the members of Parliament must be Christian, the other half Muslim. However, these stipulations of balance were enacted in 1943, reflecting now-archaic demographics. Presently in Lebanon, Muslims outnumber Christians. But the problem is that Christian M.P.s have made a practice out of blocking any kind of redrafting of parliamentary representations, for fear of a Muslim majority. And whatever that entails.

Hmm.

We return to Iran. Iran is predominantly Shi'ite, unlike Syria. Along with North Korea, George Bush Jnr. in 2002 anointed these countries the 'axis of evil.' North Korea supports Syria in the fight against Israeli imperialism, and helps Syria build fancy museums commemorating wars 'won' against Israel. In these museums, there are massive paintings (by North Korean hand) of President Bashar Al-Assad holding hands aloft with Kim Jong-il, victoriously. In streets throughout Syria, it's not unusual to come across big, brilliant, propagandistic murals of former President Hafez Al-Assad, current President Bashar Al-Assad (Hafez's son), and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad side-by-side, their massive regal heads beaming down Allah-like over businessmen, bedouins, and burqua-clad women, who beg. All this in spite of their respective countries' official state religions being different sects of Islam, Sunni and Shi'ite -- which sects have come to a head in the past in the form of major political violence. The Iraq-Iran war of 1980-1988, for one. That's 8 years of all-out war, ladies and gentlemen.

Israel? Uh, everyone dislikes Israel. Vehemently.

The Middle East! (And I haven't even set foot in Israel and the Palestinian Territories yet!) To the people who say there is a 'solution': you, my friends, must be naive and/or stupid. How about this, re. the Middle East: all there is is diplomacy, small acts of human-to-human kindness, the mitigation of apocalyptic damage, and emotionally-retarded people in positions of stupendous power. The place is a political and humanitarian nightmare. In 5 weeks I wake up from it. Which is good.